From India To USA

From India To USA

Once upon a time there was person, he had small boat and want that boat to be transferred from india to USA.
For that, he first recruited 2 persons, captain (for boat) and a HR kind of person who will responsible to recruit “Navik” for that boat.
The Captain was very brilliant as he had experience of many years in shipping industry.
Now to take boat from india to USA they recuriated a Navik, Navik had experience of going from Gujarat to Mumbai from a speed boat. So they recruited him.
Before leaving India they said Navik to take everything which they will need in the way of India to USA.
As he (navik) had experience of Gujarat to Mumbai by speed boat.. he collected food and water and other things according to that as he thought that by boat it will take around 8-10 days to reach USA.
Before start journey the owner of boat said that I will watch your boat from satellite so don’t try to take rest in the way, I want my boat as soon as possible because I have meeting with Mr. Obama and I told him that I will give him a chance to visit various countries using my boat.
So the very interesting journey begins:
So in that boat there was 3 people 1: Navik (jo chappu chala raha tha), 2: Captain, 3: HR (to recruit new navik if this one dies in the way)
The whole path was given by owner of boat that which way to follow
Path: from india -> Pakistan - > Africa bypass-> Australia -> china wall se hote hue pahuch jana….
Navik ko speed boat ke experience tha bechara chappu pahale baar chala raha tha.. so Pakistan ke peshaavar tak aate aate Malik (owner of ship) ka phone aaya that there are three people in the boat even though why boat is very slow… I think navik is not working good.. throw him in sea… and they throw navik in sea….
Now the HR was to recruit new navik to take boat to USA. She got phone numbers of new naviks from www.Navik.com and called the navik and said… we are working on very big ship like titanic, this is US based ship and lots of adventure will be there in the way so u will enjoy that …
Navik was from very small village.. he never worked with big ship.. he just had experience of small boat… and he work with some medium size ships for few years.. so he said ok . and he joined.. when he came to boat.. Then he got to know that the ship is waiting for them in Australia so we will have to go to Australia to get BIG ship. The navik was very excited he was dreaming of working in BIG SHIP…
Now from Pakistan they were to go Australia (Africa bypass se hote hua) as per owners path….as the captain was very intelligent he gave a very good technique and shortcut to Australia.. finally They reached the Australia but it has taken may days as it was a chappu boat.. so owner was not happy he said.. there are 3 people and why boat is not going fast… this is bull shit….. what the hall u all are doing their.. and tum log Africa bypass kyu nahi gaye………. Vaha kuch Africans ko mujhe boat dekhne thi…… I am very upset with this bloody navik………. (as he was watching path of boat from satellite)
(owner to navik: kyat um ne Pakistan mai USA ka flag lagaya tha kya?
Navik: no such instructions.
Owner: what ? this is bull shit…. Go and place a USA flag in pakistan. … ……………………… so one postback to pakistan)
Then owner said that as boat is very slow. So he said HR to recruit one more navik to improve its speed … they recruited as 7 years old boy to support navik… as that boy had experience of going USA in big ship with his daddy.
So new their was 4 people: 2 navik, hr and captain… the kid was very naughty.. when ever navik say him to run chappu.. he use to say… aare mere beethne se he boat teej chal jayege.. mujhe chappu chalane kya jarurat hai……………..
And after few days.. that boy went for susu and never came back….
(call from owner to navik: I am not able to see my name on flag of USA which u placed in pakistan..
Navik:sir aasa to nahi bola tha aapne.
Owner: U bull shit , irresponsible man… this is common sense .. agar flag mene lagwaya hai to uss pe mera name to hona he chahiye…………………………………One more postback to Pakistan).
Now the owner of boat was very upset with performance of navik.. as it was taking many days to reach… now he decided to recruit one more person for boat to improve speed.. so from near china wall they recruited a swimming coach.. the swimming coach had long experience of swimming and he was played in Olympics also, but he never travelled in boat/ship…
For very first day (of coach).. he came to navik and said. I have been to china to USA , INDIA , PAKISTAN and lots of countries .. so I will guide u how to improve speed.
He said.. why u are using only chappu… .. ur legs are free.. use that also … (as he was swimming coach) u can improve speed of boat using legs… do 4 hours weight training in morning so u will be able to run boat fast… why your face is out of boat… it should be in water.. and take hard breath it will give u stamina…. (navik was thinking…. We are not swimming my dear coach)..
Coach: you are like a trainee..u have no knowledge….. why u have taken less food…., and u should take 5 goggles with u also so u can see clearly in water……. Why u not checked boat at starting………… ( my dear coach.. I was not their when boat was started from india……., I have taken charge from Pakistan…)
(call from owner: Mr. Bull shit.. jo flag tumne Pakistan mai lagaya hai vo mujhe seedha kyu dikh raha hai.. ?
Navik: sir flag to seedha he lagaya jata hai..
Owner: u kaam choore person.. you fool don’t u know .. aaj kal loog flag ko tedha lagate hai.. seedha nahi.. go and usse tedha karo…………………. One more postback to Pakistan)
Then after china wall, Mr. expert captain said to navik to take long right trun to reach soon… so navik was in that process.. Then coach said.. why u are taking right.. u are not a trainee.. if u will use ur leg more faster then I will make u captain of this boat.. after crossing china… (fir chappu kon chalayega and existing captain ka kya karoge?) and coach said him to take left… so navik started taking left turn, after half left was taken.. captain said to navik.. I am not happy with your performance.. I told u to take right turn before 20 minutes and still u have not taken even half of right….. u will have to improve ur speed…. And captain went to sleep.. then as per coach instruction navik ne left turn le lea.. after few hours. ..as owner was watching them from satellite.. called to navik and said that “HOW DARE YOU TO TAKE LEFT, I TOLD YOU TO GO STRAIGHT, U BLOODY FOOL…, U DON’T KNOW HOW TO RUN A BOAT…ME AND OBAMA WAS WAITING FOR THIS BOAT FORM LAST 2 DAYS AND YOU HAVE TAKEN LEFT.. THIS IS BULL SHIT… HOW DARE!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” but coach was good so he said to owner that navik was following my instructions…. After that..
HR said to navik: .. dear u are really very lucky to get such a coach.. he has taken all responsibility on him.. he prevent you from owner. Otherwise we had instruction to throw u in sea in mid night…
navik said to HR.: but its truth that, I have taken left because it was instruction of coach only…
HR: but owner thinks that u sleeps whole day and night and left was taken because of hard winds… and he thinks that coach is saying lie to save you……………..
Because of asamed.. navik jumped in sea........................

General Discussion 3

TPO (placement officer) came to our room
TPO: hello sir how r u?
PM: GR8 .. as usual haa ha haha

\\TPO did a bit talk with Mr. PM and than came to me..
TPO: hello mr how r u?
I: fine sir.. \\ofcourse, because i work with such a gr8 personality

\\TPO did a bit talk and than topic came on UPSC\IAS\RAS exams..
TPO: I cracked exam of IAS main but not able to clear interview.. and i left my whole study and become TPO......haah
I: wow that that a really gr8.. i mean its really very hard to even reach to interview....
I: sir once i gave RAS and i got my pre exams cleared but was not able to crack mains..

\\instantly PM spoke... with loude voice.....

PM:Ha ha haaa.. ye to kuch nahi
\\buffering started ,speed of 2 TBPs.... select * from india.govt.services
PM: I have cleard IAS, UPSC, Section engineer in railways .. but i didn't joined because i dont like Govt. jobs....
and I got all india first (TOP) rank in NDA in Mathematics..
but as u know me i dont like govt jobs..so i not joined that also.......

TPO: wow sir.. u r a great person.. i am meet first time such a person in my life...
PM: Gr8.. vo to hum hai he....Ha ha ha....
U know i dont like govt jobs.. otherwise aaj mai bhi kisi District ya state pe administrative officer hota.. but i like challenges so i want to do job in private companies.. because I am a tiger..............
hahah hahah ahah.. and a tiger never do work under any one.. hahaahha ahah

General Discussion 2

\\Health was not fine of my PM
I: sir hows ur health now?
PM: yaar 1 - 2 din mai theek ho jayege..

I: Sir, doctor ko dekhaya...?
PM: yaar doctor kya karega.. mere pe 500 - 700 MG tak ke tablets to effect hi nahi karti...

I: vo kyu sir... ?
PM:As u know me... i am a sports man... so ye 500 - 700 MG tak ke tablets to mere pe effect he nahi karti...\\ weight 85 kg, tummy like a pragnent woman
\\no hair on head..... and showing that is he not less than DHONI.....

Project Discussion With Students 1

Project Discussion:
NO of student:4
Project Title: Global Warming

Students: Sir please us what to write about in report of this project "Global Warming"

PM: Ha Ha Ha Ha.....Ha .....Ha..
Itna bhi nahi aata.... Ha ha...

Students: Sir aap koi ak example de do... on basis of that we will write complete reporte..

PM: Hmm... \\thinking... thinking.... select * from NASA
Let me give a very good and general life example
look.. dekho.. road pe kitani gadiya (vehicals) hai.. jaha jaha vehical jayada hote hai vaha vaha pollution badh jata hai... uss se jaha polution jayada hota hai uss area ke ozon gas carben dioxide (Co2)ko observe kar lete hai, us se us jagah (place) ke gravity (gravitaion power) kam ho jati hai..jis se vaha bhukamp(earthquake) aate hai.. and uss se global warming badti hai..

PM: samajh gaya .. gujraat mai bhookam (earthquake) kyu aaye.. next time aab amarica mai bhookamp (earthquake) aayenge.. because of lots of pollution..

Students: Ok sir thank u, now we can write our report very well...

\\very huge light in eyes of PM.. thinking... i m a great person...

General Talk 1

Once I told my project manager that:
I: Sir, do you know Mr. Rajesh Purohit is comming to our college, to take classes of M.Tech (actually he is the most popular and knowledgable person in jodhpur in computer science).
PM: So what? \\like kon si badi baat hai...

I: Sir he is great faculty, he has written many books in computer science.
PM: Arre i know, uss ne mere se he to notes leye thai. kaha ke sir aap itane intelligent ho please give me your notes i am to write book... iss lea mene he to notes deye thai, jese dekh ke ussne book likh de, iss mai kon si badi baat hai..

I: wow sir , i am very lucky that i got chance to with a your kind of great personality.

VB.NET Interview No.5

PM:Computer languages Kitane tarh ke hoti hai?
Reply:sir functional, procedureal, object oriented, object based...
PM:NOoooooooooooooooo
PM:Only 2 types are there:
1.Object Oriented
2. Base Object Orientd
Reply: Ok sir..( mun mai bola hoga… “As you wish”)
PM: ok tell me, how many namespaces can a single class have (aak class ki kitani namespace ho sakti hai)
Reply: sir there can be only one namespace of a class..
PM: Again wrong (with smile on face)… Tell me how many experience have u got?
Reply: sir 2 years..
PM: do saal mai namespace nahi seekh paye..lagta hai aapke company latest technology pe kaam nahi karti.. let me show you our code… hum yaha aak class ke multiple namespace banate hai… u know latest and high level codding hoti hai yaha…
(and usse mere code dikhaye jiss mai I created same named class in multiple namespaces… and said)
Dekho yee ak class do namespace mai hai..
PM: tum ne life ke 2 important years waste kar deye …
and at last his dialog to interviewee:
ye saare Questions to collage ke piche ke he, collage ke aage ke Questions to mene puche hi nahi. (Means the questions i asked you was very basic; i not asked u any high level question)

VB.NET Interview No.4

PM:Tell me what is defference between C# and C#.NET?
Reply:Sir i think both are same?
PM:hahaahaa same..? really?
Reply:yes sir.
PM:No, wrong.. C# and C#.NET are two different language as VB and VB.NET...
Reply: no sir, C# and C#.NET is same..
PM:NO... let me explain u: in c# u can only create CUI application but in C#.NET you can create GUI applications...
Reply: may be sir.. i just know vb.net neither c# nor C#.NET
PM:ok tell me.. Do you know OOPs?
Reply: Yes sir, I am good at OOPs.
PM: Abhi Pata chal jayega..
PM: Batao what is use of “COUT”?
Reply:”COUT” (“dimag ke search engine se dhoond ke reply deta hai”) …. Sir “ COUT” to C++ mai hota hai..and I don’t have much knowledge in c++..
PM:Kyu , abhi to kah rahe the keee “I AAMM GGOOOD AAAT OOPPPs” .. .aab kya hua?
Reply: Sir OOPs aate hai C++ nahi aati.
PM:LO ye sunlo..oops aati hai per c++ nahi aati… ..mere bhai C++ he to OOPs hai.. or kahata hai ke oops aati hai…
Reply:Sorry sir c++ to nahi aati. Sirf VB.NET aati hai..
PM: You are rejected…
and at last his dialog to interviewee:
ye saare Questions to collage ke piche ke he, collage ke aage ke Questions to mene puche hi nahi. (mins the questions i asked you was vary basic, i not asked u any high level question)